finaly, a new post.
this week has been realy tough for me. not going to go into great detail why.
just a few negative avents and a few people confuzing my brain ect (not hard to do)hmm... wow everyone has been telling me how they love reading my blog, thats quite scairy for me, being me... argh i know what i meen... lol
anyways, ive been requested to write and tell everyone about my old self, as not many people realy knew me before i became a Christian. lets give it a go...

ok ive always been a quiet child, never realy said much for fear of imbarassment ect, never been very good at mixing with people, esp girls, i always found they bitch about eachother way too much and that does my head in. very shy and thoughtfull kid, still am realy. i like being loud and crazy, but it always depends who im with and where i am to what my personality is like realy. im always quiet when i feel uncomfortable. at 11/12 years old i started my new school, imeadiently got in with the wrong croud, but they used to look out for me when other big kids put me down.
withing about 3months i started experimenting with drugs, by the end of that year i was reguly smoking fags and weed on a daily basis.
weekends i would binge drink with my new big friends.
that all changed when they were old anough to leave school. so then i had to make new friends with kids of my own age. i found this realy difficult but found a couple of new mates that asked me to introduce them to the world of drugs and such. so i did. two years ago i fell in love. proper love. say/think what you want, but this guy i absolutly HATE his guts but every time i see him i just wana be with him and try to help him with his problems. i cant let go no matter how i try. anyway me and him were together for a year and it was amazing yet the worst time of my life.
its hard to explain.
i made new friends at the statue, reguly smoked a variety of drugs and drank on every occasion. i got very seriously into wicca (white magik) then satanism and messing around with spirits and the occult. i was into all this for about a year and suffered depression and bi-polar disorder for about 3 years. i self harmed by cutting myself, burning myself, punching myself, stabbing myself and the usual drinking and drug taking.
a year and a half of councilling did nothing for me.
after the dramatic break up in my relationship i decided it was time for a big change. my dad helped me keep off the drugs and drink by locking me in the house for a month and a half. i continued not to take drugs and im still off them now, about 5months later... something like that. Will took me to White Stone for the first time. that changed my life hugely. now i havnt seriously self harmed in a long time and untill last week havnt been feeling suicidal in an even longer time.
ive made some amazing new friends and found a beautiful new family who i love.
ive opened up loads and become so much more confident that ive started to speak my mind, even when im feeling in an uncomfortable environment and i even sing outloud! infront of people!!! lol that is so not me.
ive become braver and stronger and alot loads more happier.
hehehe happy Lan :D
God is good.

"when everything seems like its realy hard,
it meens that God is doing something good,
because satan is trying to distract you from it" ..... Andrew